Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
