i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
