I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
