Your tits are I can't wait for
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
