Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
