we're chasing vodka with high fives
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
