Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
