ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
