He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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