I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
