Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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