Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
