started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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