It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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