Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
