yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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