Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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