my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
