I should be sponsored by Trojan
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have fence marks all over my body
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