this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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