He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
