Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
