I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
