My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
