I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We were destined to go to rehab together
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
