i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it wasn't lemon gatorade
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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