weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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