ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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