When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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