i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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