i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
