weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
