I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
