We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
