walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
