You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my phone needs a breathalizer
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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