You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We are all done wearing pants today
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
