I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
