you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
