Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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