'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
