I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
