Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
