don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
