evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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