It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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