Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
