Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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