Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
