Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
