My friends, they love my intelligence
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
